True love cannot exist if we bring suffering to others. When we perceive something as “good,” we might unconsciously impose that perception onto others, expecting them to see and accept it in the same way. Similarly, if we carry suffering within ourselves, we might inadvertently spread that pain to those around us and unintentionally make them feel as hurt as we do.
To nurture true love within our hearts, we must always examine our own minds to see if there are seeds of destruction or controlling. For example, when we engage in an activity with our partner while already carrying personal distress, we might unintentionally spread this suffering to them. If we’re not mindful, this pain can manifest as complaints, sadness, or even unrealistic expectations. When our partner doesn’t meet these hidden desires of us, it’s easy to react negatively and create conflict. To nurture true love, we must be conscious of our inner state and avoid projecting our suffering onto others.
Even our attachment to positive concepts, like efficiency or a healthy lifestyle, can lead to forcing our partner to adopt these ideals. While the intention might be good, the enforcement can make them feel disrespected. For instance, you may believe that regular exercise is crucial and expect your partner to join you for activities. However, if they’re not interested or find it difficult, pushing them to participate can strain the relationship. It’s essential to be aware of these attachments and allow space for your partner’s choices, rather than insisting on your version of what is “good.”
Living harmoniously with a partner is truly an art, one that requires us to be our own anchor. When we are happy or have something valuable to share, we do so without any expectation or pressure on our partner to follow our lead. And when we experience suffering in our hearts, we know how to turn inward and take care of ourselves instead of spreading that pain to our partner, who is most vulnerable to being affected by us.
By mastering this art, we maintain the delicate balance between loving and being loved, allowing our relationship to flourish without the shadows of control and suffering.
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